Feel like I'm losing my sister - soompi hangout - Soompi Forums
“His sisters and brothers are also controlling him, and he just sits back and follows orders. If you told your boyfriend that his family is ruining your relationship and he doesn't seem to care, then you're fighting an uphill And God bless. Is there a way for me maintain our relationship? tl;dr: Sister found a bf, and now she seems to find him number one . She was like my sister and I ruin everything . . He, no offence and God forbid, might not last that long. Private lives: Since our wedding, my husband has taken a His actions are destroying my feelings for him and putting family life under strain. It sounds as if his relationship with your sister is very intense - when they have.
My sisters boyfriend is ruining our relationship and our family!! Help!!? | Yahoo Answers
Even if he isn't keen on seeing a therapist, consider seeing one by yourself, to get some impartial help as to how communication within your marriage can be improved. JL, London What the expert thinks - Linda Blair You are caught in the crossfire of two people you love and, understandably, your anxiety is flooding your reason, which is why you are feeling so helpless and negative about the future.
There is something you can do to try to break this impasse, but you need to step back, to allow your reason to take precedence. Try to think of this as a problem your best friend has presented to you - imagine how you would advise someone in this situation.
At least as useful, though probably harder, is to try to imagine the situation from your husband's point of view. Why has he changed his feelings for your sister so radically? Perhaps he enjoyed playing an important role in her life, and now feels displaced. Is he close to his own sisters? Or did he long to have a sister? Perhaps he had a sister who died and who has since been idealised by his family?
Or perhaps he doesn't like her boyfriend for some reason. Is he envious of his wealth? Is there some characteristic he finds hard to tolerate?
Could it be that he reminds him of someone he disliked in his own past, and - without realising it - he has transferred his negative feelings from them to your sister's boyfriend? It is also important to bear in mind that your husband may not be aware of why he is behaving so rudely. You sound insightful about your feelings, so it may be difficult for you to imagine that someone else can't easily figure out what lies behind their own emotions. If your husband is not particularly self-aware, he may believe his reaction to your sister and her boyfriend is justified, and that you are the one who is behaving unkindly - towards him.
I know this sounds difficult, but to break this impasse you need to approach your husband lovingly, and remind him how much you care for him. Then ask if he is able to explain why he is feeling distant from your sister or use some other similarly vague, non-accusatory phrasebecause you want to understand him and what is happening.
If he senses your love and support, rather than your anger and distress, he will be more open to exploring what his motives, however unconscious, really are and explaining these to you. It may be, however, that you are feeling so torn between loyalty to your sister and your husband that you cannot bring yourself to approach him in such a loving way. If that is the case, could you convince him to talk things through with you in the presence of an experienced relationship counsellor?
Your GP or Relate relate. If he refuses even to try to examine his behaviour, you may have to resign yourself to seeing your family on your own, or you may decide that you can no longer remain in this relationship. However, before contemplating such drastic options, try approaching your husband in a cooperative, rather than confrontational manner.
This will maximise the likelihood that he will stop feeling threatened long enough to recognise the hurt he is causing. If he refuses to talk, at least you will know you did all you could to break this stalemate. I lack confidence with women I am a man in my late 20s. I have a great job, a wide circle of friends and life is good.
However, I have never been able to interact with women on anything more than the level of friendship. I have never had a girlfriend or been on a date, and I remain a virgin. I have many women friends, who consider me great company and tell me I would make "ideal" boyfriend or husband material.
Since adolescence, I have always been regarded as the life and soul of the party and have had no problems interacting with the opposite sex on nights out and so on. However, when I am around women to whom I am attracted, I become clumsy, stressed and apprehensive.
At a recent wedding, as soon as a woman there indicated that she wanted to spend the night with me, I made a series of clumsy excuses to part company with her, despite finding her attractive. Everyone has to take responsibility for their own actions. We all have our challenges but I have no patience for people who choose to wallow in their mistakes and use it as an excuse to continue being a loser. I think you need to put this relationship behind you and make sure that the next man you fall in love with is prepared to stand by you through thick and thin.
XO Jun 09, I can fully relate to every part of your story. I came across this looking for an explanation to the exact same situation that I faced with my ex-boyfriend's sister I call her his sister wife. We all lived in a house together and she instigated a lot of issues between my ex and I as well as giving us no space.
I ended up pregnant by my ex and moved out-of-state when my relationship ended. She says rude things about my son. She sits in the background commenting when I am skyping her brother with his son.
She has no boundaries and he won't give them to her. It is, in my opinion, extremely unhealthy. I too think my exes sister has jealously issues. I found her to be a bully to his daughter who lived with us and she made a rude comment about my son online, so I really believe she hates that she will never carry his child. She would come into our room when the two of us were there together, getting some alone time which with a child and a full house, you don't get a lot of and just stand there and divert all of his attention to her.
She would lean over him to look at his computer screen, resting her breast on his back and shoulder she was bra less around him I too have siblings. We did not grow up in the same house, so I tried to be understanding of the closeness too at first, but it started to really bother me and in evaluating the demise of our relationship.
I realized how much she did to cause division between us, I have tried to explain this to him mostly to explain, why I don't want a relationship with her or for my son to relate to her and he can't grasp the concept.
He sees nothing wrong with her or any of her actions.
It is really sad, because he is missing out on a life with his son. But I like you have been accused of being paranoid, This is probably why more people don't speak about this issue online, they are afraid to sound crazy.
I'm torn between my husband and my sister
But this situation is very real. I also lived it and I think you for sharing your story, because I was starting to feel alone in recognizing the unhealthy relationship between my ex and his sister.
Jun 11, I needed to read someone else's situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and I'm starting to see some things that are making me think twice, especially about his family. In particular, situations involving his sister that is near his age. She acts one way in front of him, like she is so happy for us and supportive of our relationship. But when he is not present she acts totally opposite. Her comments are very rude and even insulting.
She made the mistake of putting her rude comments in an email which I let him see. And of course came the excuses for her along with an apology, but he apologized on her behalf. She never apologized directly to me.
I have one eye open and one foot out the door because thus far I'm seeing a couple of warning signs.
- When God Doesn’t Approve Of The Person You’re Dating
If things work out between he and I Well, I know who I won't be close to. Sep 28, Hi, This is the first time I've read about someone experiencing a scenario so similar to my own. Except the problem here is a brother and a messed up female cousin, who both see my partner as the main pole of stability in their self obsessed and overly dramatic lives.
What you said about the argument and your partner just staying silent and even letting you leave I experienced the same thing with my bf's brother.
I exploded after having had enough one day and it somehow became my fault. I had to apologise and my bf never defended me or saw how his brother had been goading me for weeks. My mother died when I was young and my family disintegrated after that.
His brother used that as an argument point: I have no family so am trying to control my bf and stop him seeing them. It was so untrue I do have family, just my dad walked out on us, and my siblings and I just drifted apart, but I have close cousins and aunts and showed such paranoia This accusation still gets thrown at me, but in a less direct way, so it goes under my bf's radar.
If I ever bring it up, I get called paranoid You have to get over this. I've got some good proof it's him and I'm not going mad. My bf will not entertain the thought. Ive developed insomnia and am clearly distressed, but my bf is ignoring it.
My sisters boyfriend is ruining our relationship and our family!! Help!!?
I've just realised my boyfriend sounds awful in this - normally he is the sweetest guy in the world and I know I mean so much to him. He gave up a lot to be with me and supported me when I decided to do a masters much to his family's displeasure.