9 personality types relationship

Personality Types in Love by John Grey, PhD

9 personality types relationship

Man is Type 8 (Leader) or Type 9 (Peacemaker) Same Enneagram personality type marriages occurred two times less often than statistically. You may have heard about Enneagram personality types, but if not, I'm happy (#6), The Adventurer (#7), The Leader (#8) and The Peacemaker (#9). types and the kind of partner your primary type needs in a relationship. Keep in mind that one can have a relationship with any type if the two people are healthy. type and its interactions with other types, find your personality type below, and click on the type for the other person in the Type 9 - The Peacemaker.

Personal needs are not recognized or voiced. A sense of deprivation can result. The other person generally does not like this, and may end up feeling like they are walking on egg-shells. There is a tendency to be overly black and white about things. This creates stress and a sense of trying to be in control. It also reduces happiness. People in relationship with a Perfectionist often wish things could just be more relaxed and easy. They yearn for a more flexible approach to things.

9 personality types relationship

Personal growth for a Perfectionist is to internally ask the question: Learn to accept mistakes. Two great virtues for a Perfectionist to develop are patience and compassion.

They usually give too much. But they seldom ask for what they want or need. Eventually they break into anger, or just as easily, tears. They, and their partners, get overwhelmed by these emotional outbreaks. A Giver puts so much energy into gaining connection by giving, that other people see this as too much, out of balance, possibly even manipulative.

So others retreat — as the Giver pursues them. Under these conditions, a Giver can be viewed as overly needy or too dependent.

9 personality types relationship

Most relationships encounter discrepancies between one partner wanting to be closer, and the other wanting space. This leaves them particularly vulnerable to feeling rejected and the pain of loss.

Their pursuit of connection often will push the other person to need even more space. This polarization process results in both partners suffering. Personal growth for a Giver is to scale back their strong drive for giving — and reduce their dependency on connecting.

Know that love does not depend on altering oneself to fit the needs of others. A Giver also grows as they begin to directly ask others for what they want. The Performer A Performer is concerned with work and getting the job done. They are driven by the need to succeed. In essence, they believe that love and acceptance is based upon what they do, on their performance, image, achievements and success. With their high drive to get the job done, a Performer puts feelings aside — theirs as well as the feelings of other people.

This becomes a problem in relationships. This leaves them very dependent on external approval and recognition, based on how well they succeed in accomplishing things. In relationship, others may sense they are not cared for, especially because their feelings are ignored by the Performer. The whole realm of emotional contact will seem to be missing. People want to know what a Performer feels.

But there is discomfort around the arena of emotions, so a Performer will avoid this vital area of human interchange. Their partners end up feeling a lack of connection. As a Performer gets stuck in to-do lists and workaholism, their emotional absence will become the critical issue. Personal growth for a Performer is to know and honor their feelings, and to freely discuss feelings with others.

It is vital for a Performer to slow down and smell the roses — to feel good while doing nothing — and appreciate the importance of emotion in life and love. The Romantic A Romantic is an idealist who longs for a special sense of connection in the world.

They are often disappointed by life. They feel something important is missing. They tend to be dissatisfied or angry with ordinary, daily life. They yearn for that special something believed to be ultimately fulfilling.

Relationships are concerned with a search for the special and unique. They are attracted by distance and non-availability. But once things settle down, they get bored or start to see what is missing or not good enough in the other person.

Hence, they have trouble committing. Lasting happiness is elusive. A Romantic perennially longs for a depth and intensity of emotional connection. Yet it always seems missing, and their partner fails to match their idealized yearnings. They feel special, different, but at times they also feel like a misfit. They seem to generate dramatic crises, easily feeling rejected, abandoned, jealous, or envious.

Enneagram 4 & 9 in relationships and family systems

They can become subject to having huge emotional swings. Work at sustaining non-judgmental and moderate engagement. Your sensitivity to intrusion and criticism, an avoidance of feelings and charged issues, a tendency to withdraw or take superior position by judging in an intellectual manner. Restraint, practicality, self-reliance, dependability, high standards, striving to improve things and relationships as a form of care, attention to detail.

Move forward and embrace feelings and charged issues. Find ways to enliven the relationship, including the physical relationship. Encourage Perfectionists to live and let live and in the process, to become more accepting of differences in others.

Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Loyal Skeptics often work synergistically in the pursuit of making a better world and correcting injustice.

Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute

They are sensitive to each other and dedicated. A cycle of escalating conflict and blame can result when the Perfectionist becomes more critical and angry, feeling that nothing can make the Loyal Skeptic secure and certain. All of this can lead to pain and even disruption or an end to the relationship.

What to Appreciate in Loyal Skeptics. Loyalty, endurance, warmth, intellect, healthy questioning, sensitivity to real issues. Attune more to positives and encourage the Loyal Skeptic to do the same. Provide reassurance, not correction. Allow for more playfulness and lighten up. Work at appreciating the differences between you. A disowned magnification of negatives and worst case scenarios, sensitivity to criticism, contrary thinking, a doubting mind, a tendency to mistrust, difficulty staying with pleasures.

9 personality types relationship

Restraint, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, their striving for improvement, dependability, desire for the best, attention to detail. Pay attention to all the questioning and doubts in order to become more trusting. Attend to and savor positives and pleasures and encourage the Perfectionist to do the same.

Accept criticism without magnifying it. While these contrasting qualities can complement each other, they can also lead to a cycle of escalating conflict. This can devolve into explosive outbursts by the Epicure and righteous fixed-position anger on the part of the Perfectionist.

Ultimately, this polarity can become intolerable to both types and end the relationship. What to Appreciate in Epicures. Spontaneity, enthusiasm, optimism, flexibility, future orientation, a fun-loving quality. Practice lightening up and letting go of judgments.

Grasp the polarity in styles. Make pleasure a priority. Resistance to limits, avoidance of details and ordinary life tasks, tendency to rationalize and reframe, an inclination to be self-serving. Self-control, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, their striving for improvement, practicality, industry, attention to detail and ordinary life tasks.

Become more grounded in the present. Hear and even welcome negative feedback. Maintain a healthy pleasure orientation and encourage the Perfectionist to embrace more pleasure. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Protectors often join together in pursuing causes related to fairness, justice and shared interests.

However, conflict arises over their considerable opposite tendencies. When this interaction becomes polarized, it can lead to entrenchment, angry outbursts, withdrawal, and eventual destruction of the relationship. What To Appreciate In Protectors. Strength, leadership, decisiveness, directness, exuberance for life, pursuit of truth, generosity. Become more spontaneous and appreciate this in the Protector. Develop genuine flexibility, not just flexibility based on an internal standard.

Stand firm regarding core values. Express your own desires and needs. Develop comfort in expressing anger. Recognize and work with the polarity in the two types. A tendency toward excess, going from impulse to action, an all-or-nothing style of attending my way or the highway stanceinsensitivity regarding impact on others.

Type Nine — The Enneagram Institute

What To Appreciate In Perfectionists. Restraint, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, striving for improvement, industry, fairness, attention to detail. Practice moderating impulsivity and impact. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Mediators often join together in attending to detail and leading an orderly, steady life.

Mediators, however, can feel criticized and prodded instead of encouraged by Perfectionists. As a result, Mediators may end up feeling inferior. In attempting to please, they over-accommodate and build up stubborn resistance that annoys and frustrates Perfectionists. A cycle of escalating conflict can follow, leading to further prodding of the Mediator, which creates a power struggle: This pattern is compounded since both types have difficulty knowing their real needs and desires.

Over time the relationship can deteriorate to extinction. What to Appreciate in Mediators. Flexibility, patience, acceptance, adaptability, steadiness, genuine care, empathy. To build acceptance and appreciation of your differences. Develop flexibility and patience. Supportive structure, clarity, industry and effort, conscientiousness, improvement and fairness in orientation. Pick up your own pace. Take positions and make initiatives. Face anger and conflict. Type 2, the Giver, with Another Type 2 Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers join together in valuing a focus on relationships and in appreciating the nurturing quality and sensitivity to feelings in each other.

Having little awareness of their own needs, however, they may become overly solicitous with each other, compete for approval, and feel unappreciated, unfulfilled, and ironically unconnected. Failure to get into the natural flow of giving and receiving, can lead to emotional upset and to who is dependent on whom.

Ultimately hurt feelings may then ensue leading to angry, emotional outbursts and ultimately to withdrawal or rejection. There just may not be enough flow of giving and receiving to sustain the relationship. Relationship Development for Givers with Givers: Pride connected to giving leading to tendency to be overly helpfuldifficulty receiving, inattention to own needs, anger when needs go unmet or when feeling unappreciated, over-connection in relationships, and unhealthy focus on gaining approval.

What to Appreciate in Other Givers. Helpfulness, relationship orientation, genuine care and support, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to feelings.

Express own needs and desires directly and encourage other Giver to do the same. Practice getting into the natural flow of giving and receiving.

Conflict occurs when Givers experience Performers as discounting feelings and relationship issues, while Performers experience Givers as getting off task and wanting too much time and attention. A cycle of increasing conflict can result with the two types polarizing — the Giver feeling rejected, getting emotional, and emoting anger and with the Performer feeling unrecognized and impatient and then disappearing into work.

This pattern can result in withdrawal and eventually in alienation end to the relationship.

Myers-Briggs / MBTI & Enneagram Correlations

Positive accomplishment orientation, enthusiasm, hopefulness, efficiency, and material support. Balance relationship and goal orientations. Moderate shared characteristics of intensity, positivity, fast pace, and active force. Directly express own needs and desires. Work on developing receptive force of simply being present in the moment.

Inattention to feelings, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for recognition, and shared focus of wanting approval and constructing a good image. Support and care, relationship orientation, generosity, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others. Balance goal and relationship orientations. Pay attention to own deeper needs and desires.

9 personality types relationship

Type 2, the Giver, and Type 4, the Romantic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers try to satisfy the apparently needy Romantics, attempting to fulfill their needs.

They can get caught up in the emotions and intensity of Romantics and lose their own sense of separateness. This cycle could lead to an unraveling of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, desire to keep life up, difficulty with deep and darker feelings, and need for appreciation, approval, and attention. Intensity, relationship orientation, idealization of what could be, depth of feelings, empathy, and authenticity. Practice steadiness since both types fluctuate emotionally.

Work on becoming more self-directed and holding ground, especially in the presence of strong emotions and dissatisfaction. Express own desires and needs.

Remind the Romantic of what is positive and present. Need to feel special, not feeling satisfied or complete resulting in fluctuating emotions, tendency toward self-absorption and amplification of feelings, and difficulty appreciating what is present and positive. Giving and caring quality, positive image, enthusiasm, desire to bring happiness, active forward moving energy, and flexibility.

Work on assisting Givers in referencing to their own needs. Show appreciation and gratitude for the positives in life and for what Givers provide.

This relationship is truly an attraction of opposites. However, in wanting more connection and acknowledgement, Givers try to bring Observers forward into feelings and more sustained contact. Then Givers active energy can feel intrusive, overly emotional, and demanding to Observers, who then contracts and disengages. Angry outbursts, alienation, and even disruption of the relationship can ensue.

Tendency to overdo helpfulness and become intrusive and over emotional, need for appreciation, approval and attention, and difficulty sustaining a separate or independent self. Develop own autonomy or independence and inner life. Work on moderating claims for time, energy, and connection.

Personality Types in Love

Encourage the Observer to move forward into life and feelings. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, engagement in life, social skills, generosity, and relationship focus. Move into feelings and stay engaged in life. Allow for dependency and nurturance. Thus, while appreciating Givers support and care, Loyal Skeptics may back off from or confront what they experience as too much attention.

9 personality types relationship

A cycle of escalating conflict can result polarizing the situation with the Loyal Skeptic getting accusatory and the Giver getting emotional. Withdrawal can ensue as one or the other or both types attempt to reduce distress.

Eventually, this pattern can cause a lasting disruption of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, intrusive behavior, need for approval and attention, hidden dependence, and tendency to over influence with emotions. Questioning mind, healthy skepticism, loyalty, concern for underdogs, analytic skills, warmth, and endurance. Notice and moderate intrusiveness the big forward-moving energyemotional claims, and helpfulness. Practice directness in expressing own needs and desires.

Positivity and support, open-heartedness, responsiveness, genuine caring, generosity, and sensitivity to others. Claim own authority and boundaries. State what actually is needed and desired. Encourage Giver to express own autonomy, needs, and desires. Reduce the tendency to magnify what can go wrong. Average Levels Level 4: Fear conflicts, so become self-effacing and accommodating, idealizing others and "going along" with their wishes, saying "yes" to things they do not really want to do.

Fall into conventional roles and expectations. Use philosophies and stock sayings to deflect others. Active, but disengaged, unreflective, and inattentive. Do not want to be affected, so become unresponsive and complacent, walking away from problems, and "sweeping them under the rug. Emotionally indolent, unwillingness to exert self or to focus on problems: Begin to minimize problems, to appease others and to have "peace at any price.

Into wishful thinking, and magical solutions. Others frustrated and angry by their procrastination and unresponsiveness. Unhealthy Levels Level 7: Can be highly repressed, undeveloped, and ineffectual. Feel incapable of facing problems: Neglectful and dangerous to others. Wanting to block out of awareness anything that could affect them, they dissociate so much that they eventually cannot function: They finally become severely disoriented and catatonic, abandoning themselves, turning into shattered shells.

Generally corresponds to the Schizoid and Dependent personality disorders.