The breakup of a significant relationship

Relationship Breakup | Villanova University

the breakup of a significant relationship

Dec 21, Even when a relationship is no longer good, a divorce or breakup can be extremely And no matter how strong your grief, it won't last forever. Oct 1, Relationships break-up for lots of reasons. anger or jealousy when getting over a difficult break-up, it's important to remember to stay safe. What are the right reasons to break up with someone you once cared deeply about? That's why it's important to pay attention to the patterns in the relationship.

However, grief is a natural response to loss. Grieving for the loss of a relationship is a personal and highly individual experience. No two individuals grieve the same way. Grief can be best described as a wave-like experience. Feelings and emotions go up and come down, and this pattern repeats until, over time, it reduces in intensity and frequency.

Occasionally, our feelings and emotions can be triggered, for example, upon hearing a familiar song or seeing someone that resembles our ex-partner. Expect to feel stronger emotions around significant days such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. It is important to note, these feelings are normal and not an indication that things are not on the mend.

How we handle the loss of a relationship and how we grieve is influence by attachment styles experienced in our early years. Attachment styles are the ways we were cared for in our formative years.

Those with secure attachment styles, whose caregivers were accessible and responsive, are able acknowledge that the loss hurts and are able to allow themselves to grieve. They spend time reflecting on what they can improve. They remain hopeful that they will find a suitable partner, and love, again. They may try to get back with their former partner or might even stalk them. They may avoid the pain by jumping into another relationship. They have limited capacity to reflect on their actions and may blame their ex-partner for the loss.

They may vow not to partner again. They tend to withdraw from social contact or even isolate themselves.

the breakup of a significant relationship

These actions will interrupt the ability to grief and inevitably slow down healing. These people may also get stuck at grieving, especially if they start pining for the partner as pining is a sign of reluctance to let go and accept the loss. Whether we are able to gracefully accept a relationship loss or dwell in self-pity and unhappiness also depends on our general self-regard. Those with low self-esteem struggle more with relationship loss.

They are more likely to stay stuck in the grieving process, feel bad about themselves, and harbour ill feelings towards their ex partner. Their experience of loss may cause them to erect walls to self-protect or to be emotionally closed off to new partners.

Relationship Breakup and Loss

Their avoidance to grief may lead to depression. People with high self-esteem are not immune to any less pain when a relationship ends. But they are able to see the part they play in the relationship, learn from it, and seek help to process the loss. Importantly they still see themselves as valuable and worthy of love. Steps You Can Take Accept your feelings Your feelings will fluctuate between shock, disbelief, relief, confusion, anxietydenial, anger, sadness, guilt, fear, remorse, acceptance and more.

Make it OK to feel the pain. Suppressing or avoiding your feelings makes them stronger. So, go through the pain, not around it. The sooner you face the pain, the sooner it passes. Avoid the use of alcohol or drugs to numb your pain. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings. Whatever emotions you feel, they are all valid. Remember, emotions do not remain constant. They ebb and flow, go up and down. Allow yourself to feel them in the same way.

Relationship Breakup

The more you can allow them to surface, without fighting, the easier it will be for them to subside, and they WILL subside. The pain of grieving can be both emotional and physical. Watch out for physical symptoms such as tight feelings in the throat and chest, oversensitivity to noise, breathlessness, muscular weakness and lack of energy.

If physical symptoms persist, consult your doctor. Get support The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of others. This is not the time to brave it alone. If you can, seek out a few trustworthy and reliable friends or family members who can be there for you, without their own agendas. Even if you are uncomfortable talking about your feelings, it is important do so during grieving. Part of loss is about disconnection with a loved other.

So, seeking to connect safely with people will advance your healing. It will also prevent feelings of loneliness.

Know the difference between normal grief due to relationship loss and depression. Emotions brought on by grief can be intense and paralysing after a breakup, but the sadness begins to lift, little by little and you will start to heal and move on. Remember, grief is experienced in an ebb and flow, wave-like pattern where feelings and emotions go up and down, with a mix of intensity and frequency. With depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.

Read more on Depression. Create time and space for your grief Grieving is an experience that involves major psychological and emotional components. Spend time to process: Try to allocate a part of your day or week to process and honour your loss. Processing the loss is in part, making sense of it. Download our factsheet on relationship break-ups A relationship break-up can be tough no matter what the situation.

Dealing with a Breakup or Divorce -

Sometimes you need to prioritise looking after yourself and there are things that you can do to make it easier to handle. You have to do stuff like hang out with friends, eat healthy and get plenty of sleep. After a break-up many people experience a range of difficult feelings, like sadness, anger or guilt, which may lead to feeling rejected, confused or lonely.

the breakup of a significant relationship

You might even feel relief which can be just as confusing. Some people feel as though their world has turned upside down and that things will never be good again. Many people may feel restless, lose their appetite and have less motivation or energy to do things.

  • Dealing with a Breakup or Divorce

It might be tempting to try and get over a break-up quickly, but it takes a bit of time, work and support. Some things to help you after a break up: Give yourself some space.

the breakup of a significant relationship

You don't need to shut your ex out of your life but it might be helpful to try to avoid the person for a while after the break-up — this can mean online, too. You might find yourself with too much free time on your hands, especially on weekends. Plan ahead and do things that you usually enjoy. Do things that you find relaxing, like watching a movie, playing or listening to music, meditating, reading or playing sport.

While they might help you feel better at first, the after-effects will leave you feeling much worse.

the breakup of a significant relationship

Allow yourself time to cope with the change after a break-up. Ask our expert What advice can you give me after a break-up? It may take some time to get over and recognise there will always be good days and bad days.

Try not to take it personally because relationship break-ups happen all the time. Many people feel upset or angry during this time.