Marriage and "That Seven Year Itch" - Family Issues And Relationship Issues Topic Center
Things you can do if you are having family/relationship problems Be calm and honest about your concerns when discussing your problems with a loved one. With today's hectic pace, couples and families often experience high levels of be having; Sexual dissatisfaction; An extra-marital affair; Depression or other. All couples run into relationship issues. life going, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, author of The Marriage Turnaround. work for me by having to pick up after you," he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.
Stress within a relationship can be caused by many different situations and instances, including financial, family, mental and illness.
Financial problems can stem from a spouse losing their job or being demoted at their job.
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Stress is triggered by many different things. How the stress is managed and handled could create more stress. Boredom Boredom is an underrated but serious marital problem.
With time some spouses become bored with their relationship. They may get tired of the things that occur within the relationship. In this situation, it comes down to being bored with the relationship because it has become predictable.
A couple may do the same thing every day for many years without change or without a spark. A spark usually consists of doing spontaneous things from time to time. If a relationship lacks spontaneous activities, there is a good chance boredom will become a problem.
Jealousy Jealousy is another common issue that causes a marriage to turn sour. If you have an overly jealous partner, being with them and around them can become a challenge. Jealousy is good for any relationship, as long as it is not a person being overly jealous.
Such individuals will be overbearing: For example, they are less likely to drop out of school, become a teen parent, be arrested, and be unemployed. While single parenthood is not the main nor the sole cause of children's increased likelihood of engaging in one of these detrimental behaviors, it is one contributing factor. Put another way, equalizing income and opportunity do improve the life outcomes of children growing up in single-parent households, but children raised in two-parent families still have an advantage.
If the failure of parents to marry and persistently high rates of divorce are behind the high percentage of children who grow up in a single-parent family, can and should policy attempt to reverse these trends? Since Daniel Patrick Moynihan first lamented what he identified as the decline of the black family in his report, The Negro Family: The Case for National Action, marriage has been a controversial subject for social policy and scholarship.
The initial reaction to Moynihan was harsh; scholars argued vehemently that family structure and, thus, father absence was not a determinant of child well-being. But then in the s, psychologists Wallerstein and Kelly, ; Hetherington, began producing evidence that divorce among middle-class families was harmful to children.
8 Common Problems in Married Life | rhein-main-verzeichnis.info
Renewed interest among sociologists and demographers Furstenberg and Cherlin, in the link between poverty and single parenthood soon emerged, and as noted above, that work increasingly began building toward the conclusion that family structure did matter McLanahan and Sandefur, Of course, the debate was not just about family structure and income differences; it was also about race and gender.
When Moynihan wrote in24 percent of all births among African-Americans occurred outside of marriage. Today, the black out-of-wedlock birthrate is almost 70 percent, and the white rate has reached nearly 24 percent. If single parenthood is a problem, that problem cuts across race and ethnicity.
But the story has nuance. In fact, there is some evidence that second marriages can actually be harmful to adolescents. Moreover, marriage can help children only if the marriage is a healthy one.
Unhealthy marriages characterized by substantial parental conflict pose a clear risk for child well-being, both because of the direct negative effects that result when children witness conflict between parents, and because of conflict's indirect effects on parenting skills.
Marital hostility is associated with increased aggression and disruptive behaviors on the part of children which, in turn, seem to lead to peer rejection, academic failure, and other antisocial behaviors Cummings and Davies, ; Webster-Stratton, While our collective hand-wringing about the number of American births that occur out-of-wedlock is justified, what is often missed is that the birthrate among unmarried women accounts for only part of the story.
In fact, birthrates among unmarried teens and African-Americans have been falling — by a fourth among unmarried African-American women sincefor example Offner, How, then, does one explain the fact that more and more of the nation's children are being born out of wedlock?
Because the nonmarital birth ratio is a function of 1 the out-of-wedlock birthrate births per 1, unmarried women2 the marriage rate, and 3 the birthrate among married women births per 1, married women - the share of all children born out of wedlock has risen over the last thirty years, in large measure, because women were increasingly delaying marriage, creating an ever larger pool of unmarried women of childbearing age, and because married women were having fewer children.
Indeed, families acted to maintain their standard of living in the face of stagnant and falling wages, earnings, and incomes during the s and s by having fewer children and sending both parents into the workforce, a strategy that undoubtedly has increased the stress on low-income two-parent families Levy,and that contributed to the rise in out-of-wedlock births as a proportion of all births.
Concern about these trends in out-of-wedlock births and divorce, coupled with the gnawing reality that child poverty is inextricably bound up with family structure, has encouraged conservatives and some liberals to focus on marriage as a solution. Proponents of this approach argued that many social policies — welfare and tax policy, for example — were actually anti-marriage, even if research only weakly demonstrated that the disincentives to marry embedded in these policies actually affected behavior.
Moreover, they maintained that social policy should not be neutral — it should encourage and support healthy marriages — and they stressed the link between child poverty and single parenthood and the positive child effects associated with two-parent families.
The focus on marriage was met with skepticism by others. Critics argued that marriage was not an appropriate province for government intervention and that income and opportunity structures were much more important factors than family structure. They questioned why the focus was on low-income families when the normative changes underlying the growth in single-parent households permeated throughout society, as witnessed by the prevalence of divorce across all economic classes.
Designed by two prominent academics, Sara McLanahan and Irv Garfinkel, the study is a longitudinal survey of 5, low-income married and nonmarried parents conducted in 75 hospitals in twenty cities at the time of their child's birth. Among mothers who were not married when their child was born, 83 percent reported that they were romantically involved with the father, and half of the parents were living together.
Nearly all of the romantically involved couples expressed interest in developing long-term stable relationships, and there was universal interest in marriage, with most indicating that there was at least a fifty-fifty chance that they would marry in the future.
Looking at employment history and other factors, researchers estimated that about a third of the couples had high potential to marry; another third had some problems, like lack of a job, that could be remedied; while the final third were not good candidates due to a history of violence, incarceration, and the like McLanahan, Garfinkel, and Mincy, There was certainly reason to be cautious about presuming a link between what people said and what they might actually do, and longer follow-up data did indeed throw some cold water on initial optimism.
However, when the Fragile Families data were thrown into the mix with the trend data and with the data that suggested that family structure was a determinant of poverty, the reaction was catalytic.
The notion was reinforced that more marriage and less child poverty would result if public policies could just be brought in line with the expressed interests of low-income couples. Marital Education Can Work But what, if anything, could government actually do to promote marriage among low-income families? For some policy analysts, the discovery of marriage education programs seemed to provide the missing link. To the surprise of many, not only did these programs exist, but there was a body of evidence, including more than a dozen randomized trials, indicating that marriage education programs could be effective.
Marriage education refers to services that help couples who are married or planning to marry to strengthen their communication and problem-solving skills and thus their relationships. Some of the cutting-edge work now underway provides a flavor of the approaches being developed. Phil Cowan and Dr. Carolyn Cowan, both professors of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, have been involved in the development and rigorous testing of family instruction models for more than twenty years.
Benjamin Karney, a psychologist at the University of Florida, has been conducting a longitudinal study of newly married couples. John Gottman, who leads the Relationship Research Institute where he focuses on marriage, family, and child development, has developed and carefully evaluated some of the most innovative new approaches to marital education and group instruction.
Pamela Jordan developed the Becoming Parents Program, a couple-focused educational research program being tested in a large randomized trial. Among the skills-training programs, PREP is the most widely used with couples who are about to marry. It teaches skills such as active listening and self-regulation of emotions for conflict management and positive communication.
PREP also includes substantial content on topics such as commitment, forgiveness, and expectations clarification. PREP appears to have a significant effect on marital satisfaction initially, but the effect appears to fade over time Gottman,and there is some indication that it improves communication among high-risk couples but not low-risk couples Halford, Sanders, and Behrens, Therapeutic interventions are more open-ended and involve group discussions, usually guided by trained professionals to help partners identify and work through the marriage problems they are facing.
The most carefully evaluated of the structured group discussion models targeted couples around the time of their child's birth, an event that triggers substantial and sustained decline in marital satisfaction.
Couples meet in a group with a trained therapist over a six-month period that begins before the child is born and continues for another three months after the birth. Initially, marital satisfaction soared and divorce rates plummeted relative to a similar group of families that did not participate in the program.
But the divorce effects waned by the five-year follow-up point, even while marital satisfaction remained high for those couples who stayed together Schultz and Cowan, More recent work by Cowan and Cowan and by John Gottman appears to produce more promising results. The Cowans found positive effects in the school performance of children whose parents participated in their couples instruction and group discussion program.
Gottman describes improved cooperative interaction between the parents and their infant child and sustained increased involvement by fathers. While the results from the marriage education programs are encouraging, they are not definitive. Most of the studies are small, several have serious flaws, and only a few have long-term follow-up data and those that do seem to show decay in effectiveness over time.
Messenger Lots of women look forward to motherhood — getting to know a tiny baby, raising a growing child, developing a relationship with a maturing son or daughter. All over the world, people believe that parenting is the most rewarding part of life. Families usually welcome a baby to the mix with great expectations. Nowhere to go but down?
The Effects of Marriage and Divorce on Families and Children | MDRC
But after that, things tend to change. The course of true love runs downhill. For around 30 years, researchers have studied how having children affects a marriage, and the results are conclusive: Comparing couples with and without children, researchers found that the rate of the decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have children than for childless couples. In the event that a pregnancy is unplannedthe parents experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship.
The irony is that even as the marital satisfaction of new parents declines, the likelihood of them divorcing also declines. While the negative marital impact of becoming parents is familiar to fathers and mothers, it is especially insidious because so many young couples think that having children will bring them closer together or at least will not lead to marital distress. Have I turned your world upside down yet?
Baby image via www. Lovers morph into parents It seems obvious that adding a baby to a household is going to change its dynamics.