Defining the Relationship : Danny Silk :
Danny Silk quote Loving our kids on purpose best lesson i ever learnt in ThingsFunniest QuotesRelationshipRumi QuotesHumorous QuotesHilarious. Defining the Relationship has 25 ratings and 0 reviews. Danny Silk and help them carefully consider the strength of their relationship. Defining the Relationship (Manual) is a Ministry Resources Paperback by Danny Silk. together and help them carefully consider the strength of their relationship. Danny Silk serves on the Senior Management Team at Bethel Church in.
This sets them up to struggle in multiple aspects of life, particularly with building healthy relationships. Powerless People Often the first thing that reveals a powerless mindset is powerless language. I have to clean the kitchen. I have to go to school.
I have to spend time with so-and-so. The defining, driving force of a powerless person is anxiety. Life is scary when you are powerless, when you live in a world where you believe most things and most people are more powerful than you. Powerless people have a deep need to suppress and assuage their abiding fear—fear of loss, pain, death, abandonment, and more.
But because they do not have the power deal with their fear, their only hope is to persuade other people to do it for them. They need other people to protect them, make them happy, and take responsibility for their lives.
And the only way they believe they can get people to do this is to try to control and manipulate them. Control can look aggressive like a T-Rex or passive like a lamb, but in either case, the root problem is the s ame—fear. Powerless people approach relationships as consumers. They subconsciously think, You look so happy.Q & A with Danny Silk: Marriage and ''The One"
I need some of that happy in my life. We should get together so I can consume all of your happy.
Defining the Relationship: A Relationship Course for Those Considering Marriage by Danny Silk
A powerless person will consume whatever another person will offer up until the life of a once-happy, radiant flower has been mown to dirt. They will suck you dry—if you let them. I have a friend who is married to a man with a debilitating victim mentality.
She could never do enough and constantly struggled to live up to his impossible expectations. They recently separated because he refuses to take responsibility for his unhappiness.
Her happiness is no longer being consumed by a powerless person. Powerless people often blame the messes they make on other people. The reason their life, marriage, child, finances, job, or whatever is the way it is has nothing to do with their choices.
Powerless people create an anxiety-driven environment wherever they go. At best, these environments have a thin veneer of safety and calm, which cover underlying currents of control and intimidation.
- Defining the Relationship (Manual)
- Defining the Relationship : A Relationship Course for Those Considering Marriage
Then they have a choice. Will they stay in the anxiety and submit to the control of the powerless people, or go looking for a different environment? Many choose to stick around in controlling environments and develop the skills necessary to survive there. It feels safe and impenetrable. Their self-protection is not helping them become powerful; it is only keeping them from facing their fear of relationship.
One of my friends is a powerful leader who is changing the world in a remarkable way.
She projects confidence and security when she gets up to speak to an audience or when interacting with other leaders.
But when it comes to her relationships with family members and coworkers, she reacts negatively to anything that feels or looks like confrontation, vulnerability, or intimacy. As a result, these relationships are fragile and filled with anxiety. No one experiences the love, intimacy, vulnerability, or truth they need. The classic relational dynamic created by powerless people is called triangulation. When you believe that other people are scary, unsafe, and more powerful than you, and when you believe that you need to get them to meet your needs, then you have three possible roles you get to play in relationships: Powerless people will switch in and out of these roles in relational interactions.
Firstborn children are prime candidates for the rescuer role, because they are often trained from the time they are little to take care of people who are less powerful. Go get Junior; he fell down again. I know he made that mess. Just pick it up for me, please, honey. But it actually can create unhealthy codependence. The subconscious fears driving the triangulation dynamic in victims, bad guys, and rescuer go something like this: I live in a perpetual state of anxiety because I feel out of control.
In order to stay in relationship, powerless people make an agreement to exercise mutual control over each other. And the best way to get you to work on my life is to act miserable. The more miserable I am, the more you will have to try to make me feel better. However, this ongoing power play does nothing to make them happy and mitigate their anxiety in the long term. In fact, their anxiety only escalates by continually affirming that they are not actually powerful. Any sense of love and safety they feel by gaining or surrendering control is tenuous and fleeting.
A relational bond built on mutual control simply cannot produce anything remotely like safety, love, or trust.
It can only produce more fear, pain, distrust, punishment, and misery. And when taken to an extreme, it produces things like domestic violence. I saw this frightening dynamic firsthand for six years when I taught programs for men and women convicted of domestic violence.
Defining the Relationship: A Relationship Course for Those Considering Marriage
The fear those people brought into the room was intense. Some of them had been in relationships for twenty-five years with unending cycles of abuse. One man I worked with had been arrested because he had hit his wife. It was a serious offense. But before that incident, she had knocked him unconscious on two occasions—once with a frying pan and once with a gun. So when she came at him the third time, he took the first punch and knocked her down.
They called it love. But it was really two powerless people who had agreed to engage in a lifelong battle for control. If you heard someone described as a powerful person, you might assume he or she would be the loudest person in the room, the one telling everyone else what to do.
But powerful does not mean dominating. In fact, a controlling, dominating person is the very opposite of a powerful person. Powerful people do not try to control other people. Their job is to control themselves. As a result, they are able to consciously and deliberately create the environment they want to live in.
Keep Your Love On_ Connection, - Danny Silk
They deliberately set the standard for how they expect to be treated by they way they treat others. As they consistently act in responsible, respectful, and loving ways, it becomes clear that the only people who can get close to them are those who know how to respect, be responsible, and love well. Life does not happen to powerful people. Powerful people are happening—they are happening all the time. They are like a hose that is on full blast in the middle of a mud puddle. The mud does not go up into the hose and contaminate it.
Powerful people are not affected or infected by their environment. They refuse to be victims of others. Powerful people also require others to be powerful around them. Powerful people do not try to When they encounter a control other people. What have you tried? What else could you try? This is the only option a powerful person will offer to powerless people: After failing to get a powerful person to offer them any more options, a powerless person will either change in order to start living powerfully or they will find someone else to dump on.
Because they cannot take responsibility for their decisions, powerless people are relegated to reacting to whatever is going on around them on a daily basis. This reminds me to inform you that my birth date showed I turned 27 this summer, even though most people think I am This is of course before they get to know me and see all the wisdom I carry or want to carry.
The 15th of May I took a risk and started dating a handsome Swede, who unfortunately is not attending the 3rd year School of Ministry with me in Redding, CA, but is continuing his medical studies back in Norway instead. Gotta love skype though! By the way, my name is Malene, with an E that sounds like an A. For my own sake and on behalf of my family, I just want to learn everything I can about communication and relationship.
For years I have been carrying this desire to be able to communicate well. Like many others, I have been a victim of broken relationships too many times. So I want to learn even more about how to set boundaries and value and loving people even if they hurt me. And oh, I almost forgot to mention: I am truly grateful for being under both Sheri and Danny.
I almost could not believe it when I got accepted- God is good! Ok, your turn Miss Katie: Hey, my name is Katie. I went through first and second year in the School of Supernatural Ministry and this has been my dream all along; To intern under Danny and Sheri Silk.